This is a partially cleaned-up example of the corruption I was talking about. Most
of the opening quotes have been corrected, a few of the closing quotes have been fixed,
and all the em-dashes remain corrupted
The correction was done manually on the bulletin board. As there are upwards of 20,000
posts that suffer with this corruption to some degree, a manual solution is not feasible.
"You know Dar, I almost didn't return your call considering our little run in
back when you were going to high school in Lawnville–"
"–Right. As I was saying, that bummer attitude you had back when we met in
Lawnhills left a bad taste in my mouth. And anything
that leaves a bad taste in my mouth isn't edgy, and if it isn't edgy, I don't
want anything to do with it, 'cause edgy is what I'm
all about and it's what my magazine is all about!"
"Right." Daria dug her nails into her palms to distract herself from the pain
of the idiocy she was about to utter. "I'm jiggy with–"
"But times change, and Val changes with them! And that means Val magazine
changes with the times! Edgy stopped being
edgy around '99–irony became edgy. But then 9/11 happened and irony was dead.
But since irony is dead, and edgy isn't edgy anymore,
that means irony is edgy now, except that we're not supposed to say it's edgy
because edgy isn't edgy anymore. You following me, Dar?"
"Yes...absolutely," Daria replied as she looked down to write on her pad,
Please God, an aneurysm.
"OK–so since irony is the new edgy, and you're a bummer brain who isn't really
edgy, having you write for Val would be totally ironic! I think it's a perfect fit!"
The torrent of illogic from Val's mouth was so overwhelming, Daria feared God
had answered her prayers. "So," she finally managed to say, "does this mean I get the job?"
"Absolutely!" Val repled. "We need 1500 words for your column starting next
issue. And Dar–you're absolutely going to love the title I've come up with. I
mentioned it to Angelina and Brad and they thought it was just so very!"
"What will my column will be called?"
Val gave an enormous smiled that accentuated her wrinkles. "The Misery Chick!"